w.-c.-fields

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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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